What?!!!!

The crazy lil sister texted me a message using the old man's cell phone.

W: U back Saturday?

Me: Yea, of course. Tell Mimi I got the Excellent Student Award from the law firm.

W: Oh. Is it new student...it's a gal or boy?

Me: What? I said I received an award. I attended an interview two weeks ago, remember?

W: Boy or girl?

Me: What?! I don't understand you laaaaa...

W: Oh sorry. Mimi say gong xi.

What the fuck they teach the kids in the school these days? She can't even understand simple English~~~~

To Annoy For the Rest of Your Life

I took the 21st Century Vitamin C tablet instead of the other ones mum gave me before I left for the School. At this age, I am impliedly given the liberty to make choices and do things without the parents' acknowledgement. But one thing that doesn't change is the constant nagging from the two aging figures. They used to look so tall and strong. Now they are a mixture of wisdom and foolishness to me. They tell me the things I didn't know like life is a bitch and friends are mere fragile human beings. They believe in ridiculous things I don't agree.

I once thought they are the most boring married couple on Earth. No sweet talks, no hugging. In fact, bad temper thrown at each other sometimes. Pop culture and either classic or contemporary literature brand 'romance' with kisses, passionate love making, chocolates, flowers and cards . Sad for the most of us, romance is wasteful. At least '500 Days of Summer' agrees too. Just when you thought romance is materially-related, you gotta observe an old couple holding hands in a park and redefine 'romance'.

Dude, it isn't fake. It's just different from whatever crapful belief you used to cultivate. Coz I find my parents interestingly romantic. He would slap her tummy saying, 'You look like rice dumpling with juicy pork!' and she would hit his back calling him 'Shitty old man!' and then they would laugh at each other's aging body. He worked real hard to give her the luxury today. She went through the bad days with him when they were dating. It was for quite a while, a long-distance-relationship; with no instant messages, e-mails and cell phones like what we have by present. He wrote her a love letter just once. Yes, just once. I'm proud to tell you they're married for 25 years. It started with a wedding dinner of not more than 8 tables. And I hope it will last till their last breath on Earth.

As I said goodbye, I looked at the two with mixed feelings. How I wish I can take someone back home for dinner with them one day and tell them, 'Hey, old folks. I found someone equally stupidly romantic as you two!' ... ...

I drove. I unpacked. I cleaned the damn room and rearranged the furniture for some feng shui goodness. Here I am back at the School with a hope for great things. :)

[I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~Rita Rudner]

Bark bark bark

This is my domain you're stepping into. They say there is too much of darkness and that it needs to shed a little light. Being gloomy attracts nothing but bitterness. Didn't want my readers to go mellow after reading these words of mine so I took quite some time off to explore the other side of me; the one who used to laugh like a clown and make jokes out of every stupidity.

There were pieces of crap thrown right in my face when I found myself lost in search of those memorised statutes and terms during the finals examination but the tiring preparation proved to be fruitful. The results were satisfying although not good enough. I know for certainty I'm good but for most of the time I keep the cool and stay average. Why rush when things are good enough at the moment? Not sufficiently ambitious if I don't stop by the library everyday and make full use of the free time to read up law notes? Don't want to be a git who doesn't appreciate life. (This is merely a reassurance that I was utilising my limited capacity in absorbing the legal knowledge in classes quite well...)

Thank Gaga for the holidays friends are getting back into my life. Movies, theatre, mamak meals, shopping and pillow talks make me feel humane once again. They always say I'm the busiest person they have ever known. Laughed my ass out, idiots. I spend my time loitering at home and driving around the hometown for leisure instead of meeting up with the boring faces too often. Ngek ngek. Call me an asshole but I find gatherings should be as less frequent as possible. And besides. those whom I genuinely feel like visitting are always faraway, busy or perhaps just-not-there-for-me. Hmm.

And also the parents and sister. It's amazing how the old folks never fail to treat you like you're still 5. At least this keeps me from trouble like getting a girl pregnant (*cough*) or being involved with drugs. See, you don't need a religion to teach you these after all. :P The sister has finally learnt new English words and finds herself so much more comfortable conversing in English. Awww. Glad that the la la part of her is dying.

Good day, people. Good day. Although I'm currently stuck in a law firm doing this ridiculous attachment as part of the requirement so I can leave for the UK next September. Can't wait. The other side of the world is waiting for this bitch. ~Bark~

That I would be Fine even if ...

'That I would be good even if I did nothing

That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down

That I would be good if I got and stayed sick

That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

That I would be loved even when I numb myself

That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed

That I would be loved even when I was fuming

That I would be good even if I was clingy

That I would be good even if I lost sanity

That I would be good whether with or without you ... ...'


['That I Would Be Good' by Alanis Morissette]


I first came across this song a month ago at Kelly Clarkson's All I Ever Wanted Concert in Stadium Bukit Jalil. My all time favourite Kelly Clarkson's rendition sounded fairly wonderful but Alanis Morissette has always had this really raw and friendly soulful but pop-ish kind of voice that gets you connected to her sentimentality easily. It's about her battle with her own insecurities and how she finally got to learn that things will be alright anyway, eventually.



I had this close friend not too long ago. She fights, laughs and hides her miseries all the time. She pretends as if everything is fine. I can no longer share my true feelings with anyone that easily anymore. I'm just really tired but I just gotta take it all like a man and act as if I'm okay. Ironically, I wish to be understood but I know how much difference it will make if I am being honest to the people around me.



I want to be good. I have to. Come to think of it; it's funny how I sort of thought of this lousy girl whenever I'm feeling down. She is just a great reminder that friends have limited patience; you can't spit everything to them and expect them to share the burden coz they got their lives to be fucked up with too. We're all fucked up so nobody dies a virgin after all. They're fucked up enough so don't go around showing your pathetic faces to dampen their suffering after getting themselves fucked hard ~

That's It. It's Time to be Not So Nice ...

I love watching politics but getting involved in them sucks.

They usually root from the formation of this group of shadow cabinet against the government-sorta gang. Never ever have I enjoyed being dragged into whirlpools of dramas because I know how fugly they will turn out. But this time I just had to get myself involved. I hate seeing people being ignorant to how their own flawed characters result in the mistakes they created. I am simply irritated by the fact that they have to live in their own box to defend themselves. I cannot tolerate with people who find fault in others for the lack of support they desire. For goodness sake, take a look at the mirror and figure out what is wrong with yourselves for the grumblings and whining you get almost all the time. Therefore, I just gave way to my irrational emotions. I had to. Even though I may lose some worthy friends.

I was told a lawyer must be as rational as he can. I apologize to myself for letting the emotions to take over myself.

Be as smart as you can, but remember that it is always better to be nice than to be smart. Karma knows character is higher than intellect because a devil is too smart to reveal his broken wings. Gosh ...

The Rules

The wise Rabindranath Tagore, the author of the book I used to call my bedtime bible 'The Crescent Moon' gave us all a really good reminder that 'age considers; youth ventures.' Hence, all the nagging and repetitive advice we get from parents that cannot seem to ring into our heads when they are desperately needed. Why? Because we have to learn from experience. Experiences can be really expensive if they have monetary values and we are all bound to be millionares if experiences are high in demand for sale. How I wish these valuable experiences are not the outcome of mistakes but I find no good argument to doubt bad judgments do make us wiser people. No heartbreaks mean no maturing, yes?

Young souls tend to invest whatever they can because the best asset they can offer is their youth but the capacity of willingness to 'give' diminishes when one ages because the more one collapses the more careful he walks the next time. You are walking so careful it irritates me. You are pampered by my venture and care not to venture further on me. To you, it all ends with the same deadlock. You do not observe the basic Rule of Love and your coldness exposes how cowardice you are in nature. You told me your friends are making bad investments and so you do not want the unintended wastage happening on yourself. I was hurt. Badly hurt and weeping inside to learn of your sentiment.

I could have told you I will not be a failed investment for I am willing to wait. But it seems not to matter because you are who you are, haunted by your past. What kind of love is this if you are not willing to give and I cannot take anything? Sigh ...

There are three fundamental but justifiable postulates of the Rule of Law formulated by Albert Venn Dicey but none for the Rule of Love. May I suggest three ideals for the Rule of Love, in that:

(1) Love is the highest form of law and no law shall be put unto love.
(2) Love unlike investment is a charity.
(3) Love is only a small piece of puzzle to complete your life.

Choices Suck

'It is our choices that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities.' - JK Rowling, Harry Potter.

You know what they say, being honest to yourself is so much harder than convincing someone else of what and who they really are. It's just like I'm telling you you need to work yourself out and stop being a bitch to yourself or to those who care for you, before you start hurting yourself but instead of turning over a new leaf, you go on messing with your life, screwing yourself down to the drain and the next thing you know, I heard of the news that you might be pregnant. Shall I give you a standing ovation for such pride of yours over your indecent sexual activity, evidently, the likely public announcement of your estopped menstruation for the past two months on Facebook? Or shall I as an ex-close friend, mourn over the death of the rational and cheerful soul in you that I once knew not too long ago? If things did not change too fast too scaringly, I just wish I could give you a big tight slap as a friend who reads your silent misery to wake you up widely from the nightmare you induced yourself into. Unfortunately, I have to agree with Switchfoot's 'This is Your Life'. You are who you want to be, stranger, given all the abundance of good things and paths you could have chosen.

On another note, I had a really rare conversation with my Indonesian maid. We call the 22 year-old maid, 'Kakak' or sister in Malay Language. Honestly speaking, I don't fancy having a close friendship with maids even though I had in the past because some maids just can't seem to reciprocate even the royal treatment you give them. I was told to persuade Kakak to extend her employment contract for another 2 years with us because we eagerly need a helpful maid at home to help out with the moving out and household chores while the house renovation is conducted. It was actually our first time conversing that long. We talked about her life back in hometown, her younger sister and what the society in the rural village expects of her. It's somewhat sad. She is torn between abiding the norm of getting married before reaching the age of mid 20s and earning more to support the living of her family. She may choose but the choices are limited. To stay back and work for the money that finances her sister's college studies and to be bound to be single for the rest of her life (customary tradition of suitable age for marriage) or to return to where she belongs so she can plant vegetables alongside her aging mother and to marry someone who will most likely cheat on her. It's not uncommon that marriages are doomed to fail there. (Well, you know the Indonesians.) She then decided to stay. Of course my mum was the happiest but Kakak while enjoying the more comfortable life here is saddened that she will not reunite with her family so soon.

Life's not always fair. Sometimes you can get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow. And when I'm typing this, I can't cease myself from being affected by my poor pet dogs. I'm not at all a pet lover but what shall I do with George and Bobby who are infected by heart worms and have lost their survival skills if my father abondons them on the streets when the house renovation begins? An alternative is to opt for PAWS, an animal shelter. Sending them both to the shelter means murdering them because PAWS shall put them to sleep if they are infected by diseases. My father suggested leaving them to be fed by the construction workers while we are away staying temporarily in an aparment but I doubt the workers will treat our dogs nicely.

'Only the pot knows how hot the boiling soup feels.' - Like Water for Chocolate

It just reminds me of myself when I first recognised myself being doomed to be who I am right now. Some argue it's about choice but I still can't seem to agree. What if I can't change what it's supposed to be? Well, somehow it doesn't really matter anymore because I really enjoy being who I am by present. (^_^) Sorry for the MIA-ness. Blame the school policy and lousy course structure.