That I would be Fine even if ...

'That I would be good even if I did nothing

That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down

That I would be good if I got and stayed sick

That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

That I would be loved even when I numb myself

That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed

That I would be loved even when I was fuming

That I would be good even if I was clingy

That I would be good even if I lost sanity

That I would be good whether with or without you ... ...'


['That I Would Be Good' by Alanis Morissette]


I first came across this song a month ago at Kelly Clarkson's All I Ever Wanted Concert in Stadium Bukit Jalil. My all time favourite Kelly Clarkson's rendition sounded fairly wonderful but Alanis Morissette has always had this really raw and friendly soulful but pop-ish kind of voice that gets you connected to her sentimentality easily. It's about her battle with her own insecurities and how she finally got to learn that things will be alright anyway, eventually.



I had this close friend not too long ago. She fights, laughs and hides her miseries all the time. She pretends as if everything is fine. I can no longer share my true feelings with anyone that easily anymore. I'm just really tired but I just gotta take it all like a man and act as if I'm okay. Ironically, I wish to be understood but I know how much difference it will make if I am being honest to the people around me.



I want to be good. I have to. Come to think of it; it's funny how I sort of thought of this lousy girl whenever I'm feeling down. She is just a great reminder that friends have limited patience; you can't spit everything to them and expect them to share the burden coz they got their lives to be fucked up with too. We're all fucked up so nobody dies a virgin after all. They're fucked up enough so don't go around showing your pathetic faces to dampen their suffering after getting themselves fucked hard ~

That's It. It's Time to be Not So Nice ...

I love watching politics but getting involved in them sucks.

They usually root from the formation of this group of shadow cabinet against the government-sorta gang. Never ever have I enjoyed being dragged into whirlpools of dramas because I know how fugly they will turn out. But this time I just had to get myself involved. I hate seeing people being ignorant to how their own flawed characters result in the mistakes they created. I am simply irritated by the fact that they have to live in their own box to defend themselves. I cannot tolerate with people who find fault in others for the lack of support they desire. For goodness sake, take a look at the mirror and figure out what is wrong with yourselves for the grumblings and whining you get almost all the time. Therefore, I just gave way to my irrational emotions. I had to. Even though I may lose some worthy friends.

I was told a lawyer must be as rational as he can. I apologize to myself for letting the emotions to take over myself.

Be as smart as you can, but remember that it is always better to be nice than to be smart. Karma knows character is higher than intellect because a devil is too smart to reveal his broken wings. Gosh ...

The Rules

The wise Rabindranath Tagore, the author of the book I used to call my bedtime bible 'The Crescent Moon' gave us all a really good reminder that 'age considers; youth ventures.' Hence, all the nagging and repetitive advice we get from parents that cannot seem to ring into our heads when they are desperately needed. Why? Because we have to learn from experience. Experiences can be really expensive if they have monetary values and we are all bound to be millionares if experiences are high in demand for sale. How I wish these valuable experiences are not the outcome of mistakes but I find no good argument to doubt bad judgments do make us wiser people. No heartbreaks mean no maturing, yes?

Young souls tend to invest whatever they can because the best asset they can offer is their youth but the capacity of willingness to 'give' diminishes when one ages because the more one collapses the more careful he walks the next time. You are walking so careful it irritates me. You are pampered by my venture and care not to venture further on me. To you, it all ends with the same deadlock. You do not observe the basic Rule of Love and your coldness exposes how cowardice you are in nature. You told me your friends are making bad investments and so you do not want the unintended wastage happening on yourself. I was hurt. Badly hurt and weeping inside to learn of your sentiment.

I could have told you I will not be a failed investment for I am willing to wait. But it seems not to matter because you are who you are, haunted by your past. What kind of love is this if you are not willing to give and I cannot take anything? Sigh ...

There are three fundamental but justifiable postulates of the Rule of Law formulated by Albert Venn Dicey but none for the Rule of Love. May I suggest three ideals for the Rule of Love, in that:

(1) Love is the highest form of law and no law shall be put unto love.
(2) Love unlike investment is a charity.
(3) Love is only a small piece of puzzle to complete your life.