That I would be Fine even if ...

'That I would be good even if I did nothing

That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down

That I would be good if I got and stayed sick

That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

That I would be loved even when I numb myself

That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed

That I would be loved even when I was fuming

That I would be good even if I was clingy

That I would be good even if I lost sanity

That I would be good whether with or without you ... ...'


['That I Would Be Good' by Alanis Morissette]


I first came across this song a month ago at Kelly Clarkson's All I Ever Wanted Concert in Stadium Bukit Jalil. My all time favourite Kelly Clarkson's rendition sounded fairly wonderful but Alanis Morissette has always had this really raw and friendly soulful but pop-ish kind of voice that gets you connected to her sentimentality easily. It's about her battle with her own insecurities and how she finally got to learn that things will be alright anyway, eventually.



I had this close friend not too long ago. She fights, laughs and hides her miseries all the time. She pretends as if everything is fine. I can no longer share my true feelings with anyone that easily anymore. I'm just really tired but I just gotta take it all like a man and act as if I'm okay. Ironically, I wish to be understood but I know how much difference it will make if I am being honest to the people around me.



I want to be good. I have to. Come to think of it; it's funny how I sort of thought of this lousy girl whenever I'm feeling down. She is just a great reminder that friends have limited patience; you can't spit everything to them and expect them to share the burden coz they got their lives to be fucked up with too. We're all fucked up so nobody dies a virgin after all. They're fucked up enough so don't go around showing your pathetic faces to dampen their suffering after getting themselves fucked hard ~